Book Closed x

Everything on this world has the end, same goes to my love and hope. I appreciate every effort of my friends to help me all this while. Tears that all of us have shared together and for listening to the same stories all over again without getting tired of it. Thank you so much, especially my mom for her words. As she said to me...

"You're young, only 19, and you're not even ugly. What makes you think he is the only guy who would love you? If he truly does, he wouldn't let you go that easy. But I wouldn't blame him too, you both are too young and he is only a boy. Being with a man and a boy has a huge difference. Didn't I tell you to not love someone more than yourself? I was once young and I've been there in the shoes you're walking in right now. You'll meet so many guys in future, even better. A guy who would never let you go and love you for who you are, not only for 2-3 months, but would fight for you. Forget him, your future is brighter without him, your steps are even wider without his existence in your life. Remember what you have promised to me and the rest."

And thank you so much to Bos (Not his real name) for making it so clear to me that he doesn't love me. I swear, the moment when Bos told me, he had moved on, I couldn't feel anything anymore. I couldn't cry, not even mad. I just don't know. The fact that he can actually do it less than in a month just proved everything to me, that loving someone is just another game of life. A bullshit that I've mistaken for truth. I ain't mad. Not to him, not to anyone who has been getting themselves involved in my life. I'm just sad that I could be easily lied to, I bought those promises and words with the bottom of my heart. I wonder how can I be so stupid? I used to think my friends and family will never understand my situation. But the truth is, they were right since the very beginning. The moment when my friend said "Do not say yes yet, syikow", I should have listened but I didn't. I was blind but not anymore. Champ said something to me yesterday on the phone, which made me laughed in tears. He said....

"You're undeniable beautiful inside and outside, you're brilliant, an absolute genius in family, you have the heart of an angel, you're something that I would call perfection. But one thing that proved perfection doesn't exist is that you're a fool in love. Kau lurus sangat, you would just do anything for the one you love without thinking of yourself and the risk. So tell me, where can I find a girl like you? Dont do this to yourself."

Champ is my uncle, a very young uncle (21yo). A charm man with a very soft looks that would just melt anyone's heart. I swear his girlfriend is so lucky, they have been together for 2 years since high school. Wonderful, I know (':
Okay back to the topic, so I was thinking, how lucky I am to have these people around me who loves me for who I am. Not just mom, dad, Champ and family. But Eja, Jen, Nurul, Jue, Bibi, Nina, Izzah, Aye, Menky, Adnan and so many more! I just cant describe how thankful I am right now. All my praises goes to Allah for believing in me eventho I know I should have realised this earlier. But I'm just a normal human after all. So in return to everything these wonderful people has sacrificed for me, for their time, their tears, their sleep. From this moment, I swear to everyone, to myself that I will move on and forget him. I will delete every conversations, pictures or anything that would reminds me of him. He is no longer have a place in my heart, not even in my life. Because I believe, if he ever loved me even once. He wouldn't forget me that fast. If he can, why can't I? I only have one thing left to do at this moment, close the book. Forever.

And to you dear past, thank you so much for everything you have brought into my life. For making me believe on something I shouldn't and those unforgettable memories eventho its fake. For every lessons you taught me, thank you so much. To be honest, the day you walked into my life. I thought this is real but now I realised the only thing that was true and pure is my feelings towards you, just that. I was sincere in everything I did for you and I believe, I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. As much as I wanted to believe that your love was true, I just can't. For every proof you left when you walked out of my life just shattered my trust into pieces. You're definitely the last person I will ever loved, no more after this. Thank you again, Adlien Kadir.

Starting from now on, I'm not gonna open this book anymore. Love in future? I wont promise because I know one day, I will love again. But I promise it will take years for that "one day" to come by. Because right now, I can't feel love in me anymore.

Thanks to everyone.



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Syikow Mendoza x